Couples therapy

Couples do not usually come to therapy because they have stopped loving each other. More often, they come because they keep having the same fight, because something has gone quiet between them, or because closeness itself has started to feel difficult, fraught, or unsafe.

Relational psychoanalytic work starts from the understanding that what happens between two people is never only about the present moment or the problem at hand.

​

Each person brings a history: ways of needing, protecting, longing, defending, and relating that were formed long before this relationship began. Those patterns do not disappear at the edge of the couple. They meet each other in the relationship, often outside of awareness, and can leave both people feeling stuck, reactive, or alone.

​

The work is about making those patterns more visible — slowly and carefully — so that what feels like a fight about dishes, distance, sex, or communication can be understood in a deeper way. That understanding does not make conflict disappear, but it can change how each person meets it, and that can open up something new between you.

​

I work with couples in all relationship structures, including those in ethically non-monogamous and polyamorous relationships.

Couples work is available for partners at any stage of a relationship, including those struggling to stay together, considering separation, or trying to make sense of what happened after a relationship has ended.